David Johnson

See if this rings true for you? You’ve just got off a telephone call or are out of a meeting where something was said to you that felt like a blow to the solar plexus. However, you barely have time to come up for air and take stock of the situation when your schedule calls you to your next appointment.

So you are sitting in your next appointment trying to stay focused on the people and task at hand, but that last conversation is banging at the door and won’t leave you alone. How do you handle this situation until you have time to give the troublesome conversation your attention?

The Pink Floyd song, “Hey You” from their album  The Wall has the lyric,

and the worms ate into your brain.

That unhappy line is followed by sounds that perfectly conjure up the image of something niggling away at your mind, insidiously aggravating you with its presence. A mass of wriggling worms feels to me like the perfect analogy (with all due respect to worms).

The world of mindfulness and Buddhist meditation speaks a lot about being present to now, to what is going on in the present moment. We are advised that, “the past has gone, the future is yet to come, now is the knowing.” This is sound advice and bears constant reflection. It is easy to discount its wisdom as it is not an easy instruction to live by. However, whether it is easy or not is not reason to discard it. Some of what is most worthwhile requires of us our deepest effort. That being said, when there has been a deep blow to us the best laid plans can seem a distant stretch. At such times we can easily find ourselves craving distractions of assurance and comfort over trying to keep the noises at bay.

Sharing an experience

Earlier this week I had an experience similar to what I have described here. I put the phone down feeling winded, sent an email to a friend just to share and offload, and then headed to my qigong class. Engaging in a meditative exercise certainly helped. It was easier to cope with than a busy meeting, but I was still yearning for some alone time to process the worms that were eating into my brain. As we moved on with the class, and as the noise from the phone call crept into my mind, I kept bringing myself back to the qigong practice. That noise after all was just a series of thoughts, given substance by the attention that I gave to them. Slowly the noises quietened. They never completely went away, although there were moments when I forgot about the call as I became more focused on the qigong. That in itself shows that the mental voices only react to the power that we give to them.

With the class over I could feel the ripples from my earlier call build again, and I went home to reflect on its implications. But the words also made me reflect on the words of the eighth century Indian Buddhist saint Shatideva who said,

There is nothing at all which cannot become easier through practice.

Meditation

Meditation can be a deceptive practice. The instruction is simple yet the practice requires commitment and perseverance to experience the results. Meditation is not an escape into a quiet world (though at times there might be good reason to use it for that). Rather it is a familiarization with a world that many of us do not visit, our own minds. It is a familiarization with and retraining for how we interact with what arises in the mind.

Aided with a motivation or reason for being on the cushion, with time you can start to experience the workable nature of the mind. The worms might still knock at the door of your brain, but you realize that you don’t have to let them in. Acknowledge them, say “Hi,” and let them go on their merry way. This starts on your cushion but with time and familiarization this practice creeps into your daily life. You are deepening your awareness and creating new habits in your mind. These efforts are felt in your own life and ripple out into the world around you.

Practice - to rehearse, to work at, to train; from the Greek, praktikos - active, practical.

Practice is a word that we use to describe our meditation and yoga training. We speak of a meditation practice, our yoga practice, our qigong practice. In this vein, what might practice have to say about our day to day endeavors that surround these trainings?

When we turn up for our yoga class or sit to meditate invariably there is that part of us that is looking to be better than last time - to have a clearer mind, to hold that position longer than last time. We look round the room full of other yogis and create stories in our mind that do not serve us. The narratives speak of how we should be, and we feel that until we get into that position our own practice is somehow lacking.

But let’s stop and look at that word practice. There is a sense of ongoingness about it, continuity. One rarely hears about the end or conclusion of these trainings…unless we choose to pack them in. What practice is telling us is the never-ending nature of the activity that we are engaging in. There is not a finishing place, a goal to which we are headed, rather a continuous learning and deeper exploration of what it is we are engaged in. If we are willing to explore, with each learning another door opens to reveal deeper truths that are waiting to be discovered. It is an understanding and realization that you are never quite there, you are always practicing to reach that next level.

Returning to the narratives that we tell ourselves, in time holding ourselves to those expectations becomes exhausting. Just the practice and asking of our body and mind to do something that it is not use to doing becomes enough. To give yourself competition on top of that just becomes too much. So you let go of the striving and just show up to practice.

We strive for perfection, creating in our minds a world that does not exist for us right now and may never do so, and in doing so we miss being present to where we are now. Practice is not about reaching for perfection, it is being present with who we are now, bowing to the insights that that brings us, and moving through the same motions again to see what else might be revealed to us. 

Practice shows to us the elusiveness of perfection, even if in the eyes of others we have achieved it, for in getting there we see that more is possible. We can go deeper, and the practice continues. This is even true if our body doesn’t allow us to bend further, run faster. We still ask ourselves, “what more is there to learn here?”

So in your work strive to do well, strive to do your best, but remember the practice element of it. What is there for you to learn in this moment?

I’ll have to ask you to fill in the blanks on this one. I am writing about extroverts and introverts, but any dualism can be exchanged in replacement for these opposites. This article is primarily about awareness, a tool that is central to meditation practice. I’d also like to suggest that it is central to our interaction with others and in that vein it is also a post in support of introverts.

Awareness

Within meditation practice, awareness is that little watcher in our minds that keeps an eye on where the focus of our mind is. In there is a paradox - it is faculty of the mind that keeps an eye on what the mind is doing. Are we staying with the object of meditation or have we wavered onto some more pressing - of course our meditation practice is important but once we ask our mind to focus, the subject of what we are going to eat for breakfast or that afternoon meeting suddenly becomes more interesting.

So awareness watches and catches us when we stray from the object of meditation and gently brings us back. In our everyday life awareness is like a self-policing. Do we know the full story of what is going on here? Are we responding appropriately to this situation? Awareness is continually asking of us to ask deeper questions. Do we have the full picture here? I’ll explore this from a perspective on the extrovert/introvert interaction…from the introvert perspective. But first bicycles.

Bicycling

I enjoy cycling. I enjoying cycling not as a sport but as a recreational cyclist. I own a couple of bicycles for getting around. My trusty work horse is a Brompton a British designed, fold-up bike that gets me around the city of Portland. For longer recreational rides I have a Specialized road bike. The Specialized has twenty gears, the Brompton, six. The Brompton is a good strong bicycle but it does make me work harder on the hills, longer rides and pedaling against the wind. I jump on the  carbon fibre Specialized and suddenly cycling becomes like putting a hot knife through butter - effortless.

When you are on a bike there are hills, and there are hills. Some of the regular hills are so gradual that if you are in a car you probably don’t even notice them. However, for the cyclist the gradual incline soon works its way into your muscles. You might choose to take a break while riding the incline, find yourself panting for breath at the barely perceptible top and wearily free wheeling down the other side, having little inclination to pedal but a wish to rest those tired legs. Because of the time taken pedaling up the hill you might take in some details of the route traversed, the sites passed, the smells in the air.

The car driver however, through no fault of their own, does not recognize the hill. The car strains little if at all. You are soon at the top, quite possibly not even recognizing or registering it as a ‘top,’ and carry on with your journey. The awareness is not there of a hill having been traveled along, or the details of the journey itself.

The Monkey Mind

I use this to illustrate the unintended lack of awareness that extroverts can bring to the needs of introverts. This article is not about “never ending introvert suffering”! Indeed we can all bring a lack of awareness to anything that is not a major player in our own lives. No, the intention here is simply awareness, or lack of - whether it is from introverts to extroverts, vise versa or between those blanks that you filled in at the beginning.

Without an awareness of the needs of introverts to have some quiet time to recharge. Without an awareness of introverts ability to make informed decisions though maybe taking longer over it. Without an awareness for introverts working better on their own or in small, like minded groups. Without this awareness, the needs of introverts are not understood and introverts can be looked on from a critical, ‘less than’ perspective and in doing so skills and opportunities be overlooked.

From the meditation perspective awareness is what catches the mind from running off in its own dialogue and brings us back to the object of meditation. Without awareness in our meditation we get lost in the mind’s games and word plays. We need awareness to keep us focused, keep us on track and for the meditation to be of benefit. A meditation session with no awareness just becomes a spaced out session, just sitting back and watching the mind’s show. I’m not suggesting that you have to be completely focused 100% of the time, far from it. Meditation is that moment where you do catch yourself.

Many people do not realize that they have this monkey mind, charging off in all directions and we consequently become a slave to our minds. Without this awareness to the needs of the introverts or whoever the different groups are in your life, our interactions become reactions that are based in our old habits and beliefs.

Stop, breathe, look, ask.

In the last article we looked at scenarios where you find yourself becoming overwhelmed. That is you are at an event, whether business or social, and you start to notice a creeping sensation of exhaustion enveloping you. There might be pain involved, physical or mental, and consequently you have to muster all of your strength just to stay present.

If you have the opportunity to excuse yourself and leave, you are free. You can go home, take a walk, or do whatever you need to do in that moment to recharge. If however circumstances dictate that you have to stay around and be involved, you are going to need some resources to draw on - and I am not talking about a stiff drink, though some may choose that.

For the introverts reading this I’m sure that you can relate to this experience, though I am not just writing this for introverts among us. We can all find ourselves in situations where we are called to be engaged, but our body and mind are screaming for us to take a time out. In those situations, whoever you are, you need something to keep yourself afloat and present.

The last post looked at the meditation technique of “breathing through.” This article will look at mindfulness.

Mindfulness is about bringing a presence of mind to what you are feeling now - what is arising in this moment? However at the same time you are not getting involved with the thoughts or sensations that are here now. I mentioned last time about using breathing through in everyday situations, but also giving yourself some solitary practice time, quiet meditation. Here we will look at the solitary practice first. This is because the mind responds well to constant familiarization, indeed the Tibetan word for meditation, göm, means to become familiar with. Through this when you find yourself in certain situations you respond in a way congruent with a trained mind as opposed to falling back into old habits. That might sound dry, but that is what meditation is enabling you to do - to familiarize yourself with states of mind - focus, love, patience.

So find a quiet and safe place to sit where you will be undisturbed. Make yourself comfortable. Then start quieting the mind by bringing your attention to the breath. Not a forced breath, but the simple sensation of the breath entering and leaving the nose. The mind will wander, for sure, but don’t scold yourself, just gently bring yourself back to this awareness as though you are a silent observer. The observing mind will wander off with regularity - no matter, just gently come back to the breath.

When the mind has settled start to observe your thoughts. Don’t get involved with them, just watch. You are not aiming to silence the mind, though that might happen briefly, so don’t start setting yourself goals. Rather you are simply observing your thoughts. An analogy might be looking out of a window at the scenery; you are not involved, just watching. As you watch you’ll notice that all these thoughts follow a similar pattern - arise, hang around for a bit, and then dissolve away. With the mind being the precursor to all our actions, this familiarity with the nature of what is passing through the mind has implications for how we experience and act in our lives. We’ll explore this by looking at our overwhelm scenarios.

Transitioning back to our party or business meeting where tiredness is creeping up on you, ask yourself how is that tiredness manifesting - weariness, aching, heavy eyes, other? Notice those feelings. I’m sure that there are moments when you are not talking, when you are not so involved so that you have that space to be with yourself. Observe those feelings and thoughts, see their transitory nature and allow them to go. A second later they will probably show up again, but once more just let them pass by. Observe that feeling of overwhelm and let it go. Part of what causes us discomfort is feeling as though these thoughts and feelings are solid, but they are not. Moment to moment they are changing. Recognizing the nature of these sensations and their corresponding thoughts allow us to let go of them more easily. From this we can develop some mental space to be with that which we don’t like. In short, the situation becomes more workable.

I offer these two techniques, breathing through and mindfulness, in the hope that they can offer you some respite when life is becoming difficult for you. If you choose to try them out, don’t expect to see instant results, and at the same time don’t give up too easily. Our mind is habituated into ways of being and essentially we are trying to retrain it. That takes time. Be easy on yourself.

Having said all of that, do use common sense. If things are just getting too much, do what you have to do to make things right for you.

This is the first part of a two part article exploring ways of helping yourself when you feel that you are hitting overwhelm. While written from my experiences as an introvert, these techniques are applicable to anyone. We all have our limits. When we reach them if we are still called to act, we need ways to keep ourselves afloat and stay focused.

Here are some scenarios:

• You’ve had a long day, the conference has been very interesting but perhaps your stimulation levels have maxed out. Though you’d much prefer to retire to your hotel room, there is still the evening session to go.
• The party is still going strong. You’ve had a good evening, met up with a number of old friends, made some new ones but are feeling exhausted now. You’d like to leave, but your partner wants to stay a while longer.
• It’s been a day of hard negotiations with various challenges to deal with coming in from all sides, sometimes unexpectedly. You can see the end in sight, but you are not there yet. You are going to have to muster all your will power to stay with the process.

Do any of these ring true for you? I’d guess that within the outlines there is a seed of something that you have experienced. What do you do when mind and body are screaming “I want to leave,” but you know that the situation requires of you to hang in there a bit longer - and not only that, full presence is required?

In these situations we have two conflicting voices inside ourselves shouting for attention. On the one hand there is the body and mind that is exhausted and wants to go home to put their feet up, and on the other is the external situation that is demanding your undivided attention. While not denying your tiredness, and honestly responding to it where the need justifies, we need some way of acknowledging but keeping at bay the tired voice while allowing ourselves to muster all the strength that we can to be present to the task at hand.

When in such situations I have found a couple of practices to be of great help. They are both meditation practices and can happen without the knowledge of anyone around you, thus not getting in the way of what it is you are doing. In this context do not see meditation as something that happens in a quiet room while you are sitting on a chair or cushion. There can be that side to these practices, and we shall touch on them. Rather look on these as tools that you can take with you into the hustle and bustle of everyday life. Tools that take up no room, but are always with you.

In this post I shall look at the practice of “Breathing Through.”

With breathing through you are being purposefully present to the struggle or emotion that you are dealing with. When you feel overwhelm it becomes something palpable to your experience. As the sense of overwhelm hits you, imagine that you are breathing it into yourself through your nose. Breathe this overwhelm down into you and through your heart, allowing it to dissolve as it passed through your heart. Imagine your heart cradling and holding the pain and discomfort that you are feeling, and in doing so the tension and weariness that you perceive dissolves away. At times in doing this you could well notice resistance as you breathe in the overwhelm, the emotion not making it to your heart. This comes from our old habits, for example not wanting to deal with the pain or being use to calling it a day once the exhaustion presents itself. Acknowledge the resistance and breathe in the discomfort again. The capacity of the heart for holding pain is limitless. With time that which was difficult will become possible.

This practice allows you to increase your capacity to hold that which is difficult. Its intention is not to make you like something that you previously disliked, though that may happen as well, but increase your capacity to be with discomfort. As that capacity increases so you will be able to give more of yourself to the party, meeting or whatever it is you are being called to stay ‘overtime’ for.

Time spent rehearsing this practice in quiet meditation can be very beneficial. Sit comfortably, whether on a chair or cushion, and bring to mind a situation that you have found uncomfortable. As you breathe in, breathe in that discomfort bringing it down to your heart and allowing it to dissolve. Again when resistance arises allow it to be there, don’t fight it, and return to breathing in that overwhelm. By spending your own quiet time practicing this meditation, you will be more familiar with the approach when the real life situation arises. As the Zen Master Thich Naht Hanh has said, “meditation is not an escape from life … but preparation for really being in life.”

In the next article we shall look at the practice of mindfulness and how it can enable the holding of discomfort.

Sometimes it is just about showing up.

No matter what our resolution is for a project, and despite what I wrote about in my last post, sometimes getting anything done can feel like near impossible. For some reason the chances of us moving ahead with our undertaking feels like a trudge through treacle. Enthusiasm is thin on the ground, self-belief seems to be taking a day off and reasons to just run for the hills seem to far out weigh doing any work.

What are we to do in such situations? After all we know where we would rather be. Even if in that moment being far away feels very appealing, in our heart of hearts we know that that project is where our passion really lies.

While I was living in a Buddhist Centre in South Wales, the community would meet twice during the day for meditation practice. The gatherings would bookend the day, early morning and late evening. Especially if we were going through a busy period, courses being run, many people visiting, the morning sessions could seem too early and the evening sessions just felt too late. You were too tired to really engage with the practice and so it felt that all you were doing was turning up, you were a body in the room. But with time it became apparent that that was what it was about, just showing up, going through the motions if that is all that you could do and then onto the next thing - the day or bed. It was just about showing up and seeing what happened. You were cultivating a habit of being there on the cushion. How easy it would have been to just turn away, but no this was about being there. Even when your mind was tired, when you were contemplating other options, you were present on the cushion and surrounding yourself in what you really wanted to do.

So when that blank screen appears too blank. When that yoga class or the gym feel too far away. When it feels as though there are too many barriers to your project moving forward. When it feels like too much effort to get to your own meditation cushion, just show up and see what happens. ….and make that resolution to show up again and again, no matter what.

This is an experience of mine, see if this rings true for you. I am out walking, let’s say on my way somewhere as opposed to just being out for a walk. I am in the world, but also in my own world, living in a world of thoughts that people around me are completely unaware of. That inner world can be harmless, but it can also be your worse enemy.

If there is no hurry for me to get to my destination, I am fine. I can take my time. Obstacles on the way will go by pretty much unnoticed. I’ll arrive at my destination fresh and ready to get on with whatever I am there for.

But what if I leave late, or a never ending list of obstacles seem to get in the way? I am getting later. I am in the world, but inside my head the impatience meter is moving up and with that my sense of ease and happiness is rapidly diminishing. When I do arrive at my destination I am frazzled and probably in less than the best situation for dealing with the task at hand. Can you relate to this? If so, what to do?

First let’s reflect on where the annoyance and impatience gets you - frustrated, short tempered, agitated, less than happy, and in not the best frame of mind for accomplishing tasks. However as a challenge to this state of mind, there is a quote by a 9th century Buddhist saint which says,

If you can do something about, why get upset? If you can’t do anything about it, why get upset?

This short verse is saying getting upset over the matter will not help you. If you can do something about being late, great, do it but don’t get hot under the collar. If you can’t do anything about it, getting annoyed will not solve the problem and so better just to accept the situation.

As an aid to staying more present when you are on your way somewhere, watch you mind. In your mind, where are you? Have you already arrived at your destination? Are you off solving a problem for tomorrow? Catch yourself and come back to your footsteps as they tread the path to your destination. Be aware of your feet as they take the steps. There is no need to slow down or speed up, just be aware of what you are doing, walking. Be present. Be with where you are now. And as you do so you should notice your concerns and frustrations drop away. Two minutes later (if not sooner) those agitations will more than likely raise their ugly head again, but just go back to your walking. The more familiar that you get with this practice, the more it will come to mind as you set off walking, and the fresher you will be when you arrive at your destination. Fresh and ready to get on with the task at hand.