I was introduced to the idea of speaking in ‘I’ statements when I first started sitting with a men’s group back in 2015. The idea behind this simple suggestion is that I take responsibility for my feelings. So for example, if a driver cuts in front of me, making me angry, later when I am sharing the story with someone instead of me talking about how stupid and irresponsible the driver was, I say something like, “I felt angry and annoyed when the car cut in front of me.
Every Thursday night I sit in a weekly men’s group. I’ve mentioned before the value that I get from sitting with this group, but of late I have been reminded of something else. Maybe it’s the same thing but I am just now finding words for my experience? It’s simple, common sense advice to “keep the company of good friends”. That is, the influence of those around me, rubs off on me.
I’m not long back from my weekly men’s group. I am so grateful for this group, especially at this time here on Maui. A group of men who I get to know that little bit more each week. A group of men with whom I can sit and be honest and real with. A place for accountability, vulnerability. For listening, support, maybe challenged at times….but never judgement.
A man once said while in a circle that I was sitting in, was that the reason that he shows up to sit with other men, is that chances are someone in the group has been through similar experiences as him. He is not alone.
I went to my men’s group for the first time for a while last night. The break was for a number of reasons, some of which I am not completely sure of myself yet, but it was good to be back.
The Hawaiian inmates of Saguaro Correctional Center in Arizona celebrate the Makahiki festival. The Makahiki season began at sunrise on November 16th and runs for four months. This particular celebration lasted through the day.
As someone who has worked with the inmates at the Correctional Centre here on Maui, helping to facilitate men’s circles, I feel that it is wonderful that the inmates in Arizona were afforded this opportunity.
Here is a promotional video of the 2nd High Sensitive Men’s seminar taking place over Zoom on December 5th. See my previous post for more details and where to purchase tickets.
Towards the end of the second week of December, the 2nd Highly Sensitive Men’s seminar will be held. I am not an organizer of this event, but plan to attend. The first such seminar, A Weekend for Highly Sensitive Men, was in person in California and held just before the pandemic. Due to COVID-19, this seminar will be online (see Details below).
Why am I attending? First and foremost to be in the presence of men with the same or similar personality type to myself.
Old habits die hard…even, or maybe especially when they run counter to something that you truly believe in.
Visitors to this site will know that aside from working with introverts and highly sensitive people of both sexes, I have a particular interest in working with men as I believe that personality traits that such personalities engender in people can run counter to how society expects men to behave.
This can result in introverted and highly sensitive men feeling that there is something wrong with them, for them to deny and suppress how they are feeling and what their needs are, and to generally struggle to speak up for what they need for fear of being judged.
You are Invited to a Discussion For and About Gentle Men Invitation I have previously held two discussions with men to explore what it means to be a quiet or gentle man who does not fully identify with the dominant macho expectations. At both events there was a wide ranging discussion, with the men present sharing their own experiences growing up and how they dealt with the differences that they noticed in themselves compared with other men around them, and the expectations put on them that did not fit in with their nature.
Boy this article/post has taken a long time to come together - too long. I’m not sure why. I could probably blame writers procrastination, that blank white screen or sheet of paper that is just sitting there taunting you to dare to fill it with words. Perfection has probably also played a part…”gotta get this right,” and then I over think what I wanted to say (as is my introvert tendency).
Invitation I am sending out this invitation to men, or men who you may know in your life, to join me for a free discussion about what it means to be a gentle or quiet man who does not fully identify with the dominant macho expectations. I’d love to have a discussion about being such a man in the world today - the challenges, the joy, where you shine and where you struggle.
I wrote this piece to explore some thoughts and observations that have been going through my mind. I’ve been thinking a lot about introversion and sensitivity, as it is defined for a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), and men. Specifically the visibility of introverted and/or HSP men online, and what that might say to how these men are handling this aspect of themselves in their lives. I have included a question mark in the title of this blog as I also ask myself if I am asking the correct question?
